Funny Sarcastic “Proofs” Of Gods Existence

This is a tongue-in-cheek list of arguments often given to prove God’s existence. Its light hearted and only meant as a joke. There is a full list of 667 arguments on http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm These are some of the best ones.

ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN, a.k.a. GOD OF THE GAPS, a.k.a. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Check out the world/universe/giraffe.  Isn’t it complex?
(2) Only God could have made them so complex.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Isn’t that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?
(2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE
(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]
(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

PARENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SACRIFICIAL BLACKMAIL
(1) Jesus died for your sins.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL SANITY
(1) I’ve had religious experiences that can’t be explained unless I’m insane or God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL HISTORY
(1) Many modern historians think that there probably was somebody named Jesus, maybe.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORTUITOUS COINCIDENCE
(1) What are the odds of that happening?
(2) Pretty long, I’ll bet.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist makes counterarguments.]
(3) You have my prayers.

ARGUMENT FROM PREFERRED ANCESTRY
(1) I don’t want to be related to monkeys.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM JESUS SAID STUFF
(1) Jesus said some really cool stuff.
(2) No one else had said that stuff.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSITIVE OUTCOME
(1) Even if God doesn’t exist, it would be better if people believed He did.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (MODIFIED SIMPSON’S ARGUMENT)
(1) God, if you exist, please give me absolutely no sign.
(2)
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TORNADOS
(1) A large tornado hit Kansas City.
(2) The tornado missed a church but destroyed several hundred homes.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (II)
(1) When I pray, either it comes true or God has a better plan.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INVISIBILITY
(1) God is invisible.
(2) I can’t see God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WOW
(1) When I look into the sky and see all the pretty stars, all those galaxies…
(2) Wow.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE
(1) The Bible says the Bible is true.
(2) Therefore the Bible is true.
(3) The Bible says God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE
(1) What’s the meaning of life?
(2) [Atheist gives her answer.]
(3) That’s not what I believe.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION
(1) Satan is bad.
(2) You don’t want to be on Satan’s side, do you?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE
(1) Doesn’t it just make more sense that an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good deity created the world out of nothingness, from magic, essentially, and then punished us for eating a piece of fruit, and then incarnated himself in human flesh and came down to shed his own blood so he could break his own rules, and then went through hell on a temporary basis and then went back into the sky and promised to come back and take everyone who believed in him to this heaven no one has ever seen?
(2) Well, doesn’t it?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RIGHT AND WRONG
(1) Without God, there is no ultimate right and wrong.
(2) I want there to be ultimate right and wrong, so I don’t have to decide.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE’S REALITY
(1) I have experienced God.
(2) Other people have not.
(3) Poor people.  There is something wrong with their perception of reality.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM “I WAS A SICK SON OF A BITCH”
(1) When I was an atheist, I smoked crack, robbed gas stations, raped prostitutes, and stole candy from babies.
(2) When I found Jesus, I stopped doing that stuff.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

1 thought on “Funny Sarcastic “Proofs” Of Gods Existence”

  1. i believe religion can be a very good thing…. until its taken way way to seriously. then some of these people are just lame. dont believe me?

    watch this and tell me im wrong, you gant help to laugh like crazy. too much religion CAN turn you into a MORON

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s